Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
