She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
