Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize