I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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