guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
