If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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