Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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