I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
