my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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