First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
