Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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