Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
