I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
