Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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