I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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