she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
