I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize