That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
