I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
