Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
