I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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