I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
