paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
