Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You are the jesus of drinking
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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