Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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