I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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