Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
