Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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