had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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