hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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