I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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