We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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