Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have so many feelings about this burrito
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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