If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
