Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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