Just cropdusted the office
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
