don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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