if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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