Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
