dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
