She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
