i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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