Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
