Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I think people are normalizing furries
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize