Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
smell my finger.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize