He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
you never un-have a 4some
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
