did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
