I cockslap morals
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
