it was like his penis was on wheels.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
