she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
