I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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