My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
