hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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