Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
