Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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