If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
