no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He did a backflip because drugs
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