In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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