can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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