Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
