it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
my being single is dangerous.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
