so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
