he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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