I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
