Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
