the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
