I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize