Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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